I hope you are doing fine. Thank you for your kind proposal, but – unfortunately – I am not in the position to accept your invitation for that dinner. Please accept my apologies. Hope to catch up later. Best regards.
I wish we could leave it there….
I know that you will not. You will propose another date and another restaurant. You will make some research, but only some, ask my colleagues, and try to spy on me in social media. You will observe my activity and try to make conclusions on my usual availabilities. You will even fabricate a business issue to approach me on my official mail.
I will not accept those forthcoming invitations, either, and you will think that I am a distant, selfish, conceited, over-confident, self-sufficient, senseless bitch. Or something similar. You will judge me. You like to judge. You feel to be authorised to judge. Everything and everyone.
My reluctance will first inspire you, and you will get more and more enthusiastic to win me over. Later, you will become obsessed and will aggressively request explanations. If you happen to receive any, you will compare them to the previous ones to reveal inconsistencies. You will try to confront me with them later. To demonstrate the evidence that I am a liar, who plays tricks and who makes you suffer. Though, it is only yourself who makes you suffer. Because you are used to be the first, the winner, the best, the admirable, the adorable, the charming, the irresistible, and who is right. Always right.
Dear Mr. Alwaysright,
I wish I could explain to you. I wish you could perceive. I wish you could accept. I wish you could understand that …
…. I am not obliged to think the same as you, to accept you as an idol and put you on pedestal, simply because others do,
… I do not owe you anything, just as you do not owe me,
… being or stated to be beautiful does not justify a relationship with me, as it is only your ego that wants me to be around,
… being similar to some extent does not mean that I will like you, simply because those characteristics in common might be the ones which I do not like in myself, either,
… the contrast we might have between us might not be that inspiring, exciting one that we might want to explore, but which might be considered as a deal-breaker,
… the statement that you want to be with me is not enough to impress me, as it is about your needs, and nothing to do with mine,
… I am not about to take the responsibility for your happiness, not even for your completeness, as your ‘other half’,
… what you consider ‘bravery’ might come through as ‘rudeness’ when it comes to asking me out right after a business meeting, right in the doorstep,
… what attracts me is integrity, maturity and honesty rather than arrogance, power and your possessions,
… I prefer honesty to telling nice things in a ‘pc’ way,
… love does not ‘happen’, and not simply a feeling, but also a choice, a deliberate one, in particular.
We have a very different understanding of love, I guess. Love, for me, besides being a question of choice, is
… two independent individuals being interdependent,
… about respecting the own self of the other, and feeling to be respected the same way,
… feeling comfortable and secure, regardless of our partner’s actual physical presence,
… not simply an attachment but a wilful action, when investing into that particular relationship,
… accepting the very being of the other,
… about giving, supporting, forgiving and encouraging, without asking for anything in return,
… about caring for the well being of the other,
… about ‘doing’, meaning to be loving, as a process,
… work and effort that one is the happiest to contribute with.
Shortly.
So my choice is not to love you. My advice is to love yourself. Someone else might also love you then. But only then. I honestly wish you could understand this. Will you….?
Until then, I remain the distant, selfish, conceited, over-confident, self-sufficient, senseless bitch… For you, at least… You know, that happy one…
Speak soon…
