… and stays …

Someone just walked out the door, out of the blue, with your heart in his hands, and with your soul in his pockets… There are moments in your life when you feel you could not be lower… This could be one of them…

You feel like existing itself takes all your energy or even beyond. You are miserable, torn, empty and all the negative things that one can imagine. You are on your knees, or even worse, lying on the ground, feeling thrown away… You do not have anything else inside than questions. Which you cannot ask. As there is no one to ask from. You feel deprived and it is – again – you, who you can rely on. Although you would prefer to rely on someone else, to show you the way. Anyone. Or someone? You do not even know if there is a way, anyway…

Emptiness comes. Sometimes it is better to be empty than to be full of resentment, regret, pain, or so. You are not even jealous anymore, as the pain grew over it very soon. Jealousy would – at least – drive you towards competition. Nothing drives you anywhere, at the very moment, and you see no goals to go for. Is it the deepest point you can reach, or is there anything further down? You never know. And that it is the hardest… Or is it best?

You cannot keep certain things in you, so you try and try to find a way to get them out. Talk, write, cry, anything, but to release. But, how to release all those thoughts without throwing away the past? You try to leave a trace of the good moments. Your feelings in those moments. And let it go. Let it go, for the time being.

Gone. Done. It is out. You do not have to carry anymore. Huh. You put into the ‘box’, an emotional one, and wait. You feel that you may not have been objective. Your tone may have been sour and full of pain. But who cares. Life is like that. Perception overrules facts, data, all kinds of evidence. What else can you lose? Now it is really just yourself. Your self… Ready to go…