and you do not know yet how to relate to it…

Days are passing by. Slowly. Very slowly. You remember once wishing for it. And now it is here. Every new day starts with a different kind of pain. Anger. Disappointment. Deprivation. Resentment. Regret. Loss. Longing.

You are looking for signs. Signs in the past. Signs that you should have noticed earlier. When you had the chance. That you have missed. You wish you could turn back time… 

When looking for those signs, you live those weeks and month again and again. All the details: conversations, looks, impressions, feelings and vibes. Even touches. Every moment. You even feel them again. Good and bad. Everything…

You have to quit this, as it also brings back the pain and magnifies the feeling of loss. Why is your own mind punishing you with over-weighting the positive memories? You try to recall the bad ones. To justify, underline, emphasize, evidence, however you call it. You would like to develop your feelings against him. Against the whole relationship. You would like to hate… Would make it easier to release…

You do not succeed. Memories are ruling your days and you know exactly that it cannot go like this. You do not want to live in the past. Especially not in this particular one. This is a failed one… there is no reason to stick to it. Time to let it go… but what exactly? The painful past, the failure, the lost possibilities, the resentment, surely. However, there are couple of other things left, when it comes to participants… you are not there yet to rule them out, completely…

You make up your mind and decide: need to change. Something. Some things. The sign was clear. You were not happy recently, whatever the reason was. Stop. You were not even present, probably. Only an empty shell. All your days were about someone important. Your man, your family, your friends and even your clients who were going through their worst periods. Always someone else. You wanted to be there for them… giving the last remaining pieces of love and care within you…  You were not there for yourself… You forgot about yourself… Your self…

You have to recharge, and get back to the track. To a different track. A better one. A more comfortable one. And a sustainable one. You need to fill in order to give. Let it be the first day of a new chapter. And continue from there…