… and you just start to like it …

You feel like you were thrown in front of the bus. And crashed. So, you died. Better to accept. The person you used to be is no longer there. You can even see the headlines in your mind … she did not have her time yet…

You can still cry over the memories, the small traces here and there, the objects present in your apartment. The snow out there makes you feel that you cannot enjoy without him. Like anything else… You had been waiting for it the whole Christmas and now it makes you devastated. Deeply sad, as it reminds you of the person you have lost. Your old self. The one who used to be a reflection of others. Who was there, available, approachable, reliable and doing her best. Who have just died when crashed by that bus. 

As is said a “no” is also a ‘yes’ to something else. Although you do not exactly know at the moment, to what. What you feel is that this new person has  new hopes, new determinations, new goals. And probably new dreams. New dreams that somehow start to feel achievable. The survival instinct kicks in and proves to be stronger than anything else. 

You got used to going out jogging every morning, that you started to keep you sane amidst your pain. Now it has become the part of the routine such as your new eating habits. Which you planned since for a while but nothing pushed you through the tipping point. Now you are through. It is a part of the revival, your personal reincarnation. The term at least makes you smile. For the first time. Since you have been crashed by that bus…

The only ways is up. Someone said somewhere, some point in time. Now you really believe. And start to move. Forward. Up. For good.