Writing about writing

… is probably one of the most difficult things, in the sense that until being confronted with with questions, like “why  are you writing”, “how do you decide what to write about”, etc., you do not even think about it. It is simply the way you are functioning. You are mostly open for all kinds of impression from art, to reading, from personal discussions to movies, from fictions to news. You absorb the reality around you and then give the reflection of it in your writings. To go further, you do not always need paper or a laptop for it …

“How did you recognise that you can actually write?” “Why did you start writing? Why did you decide exactly now?” “How do you decide what to write about?” … So many questions since I started to publish some of my writings, recently…

Actually, I can hardly answer any of them, or If I could, I would most probably not be honest. Not because I am not honest in general, but because I am not really thinking about such things. As you are not thinking about breathing, thinking, feeling, etc. They are just your functions.

If I am honest, I was writing in my whole life, though not really writing in the meaning of putting words on a piece of paper. I was creating stories in my head, with fine details, and some cases I tried to live them in the meaning of imagining that I was a part of them. Why? Well… It took some time to get to know myself properly, and also certain age or level of wisdom might have been necessary to put all the puzzles together….

Hidden driving force

 There are days when you wake up with some sentences, other days with complete conversations in your head. Some days you feel an urge to open your laptop and just write, in other cases you live with those sentences or conversations for days, or weeks. Sometimes for years. They have to be born. What is sure that something is driving you to keep them alive.

There are stories that may expected to be born sooner or later, but there could be some that might never be published. These might stay private. A part of you. Or might just be shared with certain people. Special ones in your life.

Ready to articulate but not ready to discuss

There are issues, that you do feel like to articulate, but are not ready to enter into conversations about them. Not because you are not comfortable with the arguments or hesitating about your own position. If you were, you would not write. Simply, there are cases when you are ready for expressing something but not ready for discussing them. You have to build a relationship with your writings first. See them in context and get used to their presence. Their existence.

Writing as thinking and talking

You talk the way you think and write. And you write as you would talk. The way you think. Depends on what has the priority. You might write silently inside your head and then speak out. I am surely holding stories, conversations, or just sentences about certain things. Until they get born.

You store the reflections of the world around you. Sometimes you hold them as they are, in their rough state. Sometimes you embrace them, color them, add to them or build into your own self. Time may come to release them. May not.

Release

Writing might be a means of releasing things. To let them go. Go their own ways. Once you see them on the screen, or on paper, they are no longer exclusively yours. They are out. Either as a therapy for yourself, or a contribution to the world. To show others that they are not alone. And you, yourself are not alone, either. Writing can be about giving and sharing. Information, thoughts, feelings, impressions, whatsoever. To contribute. Consciously or unconsciously. As we live to contribute with our presence. Anyhow. Even if we do not think about it actively.

Motivation

You might be following those guidelines provided by courses, where they teach you certain techniques, and write every day, just to practice. You might also be an instinctive writer, following your inner voice and only use those items that you learn for articulating them. Depends on what you believe in. For me, writing is like existing. I do know that I am existing though am not actively thinking about it.

I do not write to be entertaining, scientific or whatsoever. Perception does not matter at the time of writing. It is a part of you. Before releasing your stories, you may think over how your audience will receive it. Like when you communicate live. But some other cases you just leave on the table and that is all. Do not think about their future acceptance or refusal. Like your own existence. You cannot live according to the reflections of others. There is your own essence. So is your writings’.

Being introvert

This is a major point. Introvert people write more often, though not necessarily publish more. Introverts like to be alone and with their thoughts. If you are, you are most probably never lonely. You prefer being alone. Meaning that you can choose when to communicate what. If at all.

It does not mean that you do not want to communicate or be a part of a community, only that you have your own, sometimes very different rules, the most important of which is to control when to be present and when to withdraw, and try to minimize ’polite’ participation, small talks and things similar to these. You prefer meaningful things. For you, shared silence is a meaningful thing. There are people who you can be silent with. Most probably some other introverts…

You might come across as rude, refusive, reluctant or distant for people in your environment. You can also learn how to be more present, participating, involved, if you want or have to. In order to feel ‘normal”, or at least not to be so evidently an outlier. But you do not change internally. Your basic characteristics, your determinations stay.

Like all other things in life, being introvert has upsides and downsides. The upside might be to be more integrated, assimilated, or at least come across as such for your environment, simply because you have an own, ringfenced, protected and cultivated inner life. You can live a story as your external environment, if you prefer. One of the major downsides is that you get easily overwhelmed, and your energy might be drained quickly, as you practically live two lives in parallel. Another is that you will be misunderstood by your environment, stemming from the fact that they might judge you as they see you.

Writing is you

So writing…. Writing is you. It helps to be yourself. Helps to stay who you are and develop inside. From your inside. It keeps you balanced. Mentally stable. Sane. Understanding. Caring. Helps to keep your integrity. To nurture your thoughts, your feelings.

Simply, it helps to live a meaningful life. Meaningful as per your own terms. Life in your own terms …